Whenever I see a bullying scene in movies, shows, even in plays…that shit hits hard. I was that kid who got pushed around, that kid who would get dogged on for my skin color and other irrelevant racial bullshit.
Unbeknownst to me, though…those days as a five, six, seven year old, treading through that negativity, I was building my armor, the beginnings of tough skin and a tougher mentality.
No longer do I cower: I protect.
No longer do I look in the mirror and go, “what the hell went wrong here?”: I smile to the world and the world smiles back.
So in a weird way, thank you to Ashley, Frank, and all the other fools that shaped my hunger, motivation, and drive.That little girl y’all used to gang up on sure as fuck ain’t “little” anymore.
You know what else I’m excited for? Playing duets with my future children.
Like yo, my heart gets so warm and fuzzy thinking about it - my kid running into the kitchen with their instrument, “Ma, let’s play! Can we do the one in b-flat again from yesterday? Then I wanna play 2nd voice on the new book today. I love you! Let’s play!”
I can’t wait to be a mother. I can’t wait to expose my children to what I’ve poured my entire life into. I could care less if they end up following in my footsteps; all I’d want, after all is said and done, is for my kids to look back on their lives and go,
"Damn. Mom shared so much with us and took us all around this world on a single dream she had as a kid."
is such an amazing phenomenon in life. Emotional, physical, mental, creative progression is so satisfying. It’s so nice to be able to say to someone, “Yo, you’ve come so far since I last saw you” or “hey, you’ve gotten so much better than last week”.
It’s not so much the praise that you get out of making progress, but that inner dialogue between your mind and heart: “You’re doing great, kid. You’re tough as nails, tough as fuck!”
Idk where I’m going with this anymore, but damn…progression is really nice.
How to Be Socially Awkward Around a Handsome, Talented Young Man - a memoir by yours truly.
Fatigue has seeped into my bones, but the gears of my mind keep turning…